I'm sorry folks...

I'm sorry I don't keep up with this every day. I want to, I just don't think I have that much to say that's all that exciting.

I seem to have hit a plateau since Thanksgiving. Part of it is that I added an extra snack to my day. I cut that out. I also had started drinking a lot of tea and coffee. I'm trying to cut that back down too. Today, I forced my lazy butt to get out of bed at 6am to walk. I was going to use the treadmill due to the cold, but it seems to be broken (thankfully, it was a freebie from a friend!). Turns out, I really enjoyed my walk in the cold. The crispness was a nice contrast to the body heat I was generating. Plus, it forced me to keep my pace up to keep warm.

I have the best landlady EVER! She invited me over on Sunday and let me raid her closet. I was in desperate need of smaller clothes (I'm ALMOST in a 16 now. I can squeeze into it, but it's not QUITE comfortable), and unwilling/unable to spend money on them. So, anyway, she had me come over...now, she's much older than me, so I was worried about the clothes. Turns out, she has GREAT taste, and I've gotten a lot of compliments on my new wardrobe! It's also the largest wardrobe I've ever owned!

It feels so good to be stylish. As a fat girl, I never cared about my clothes because no matter what, I never thought I looked good. All I cared about was that I was comfortable. Now, clothes feel better, and I can see a real difference. I like the way I look...I even want to wear makeup (although, I usually forget to put it on in the morning, but I'm working on it)! As my body begins to feel better, I feel better and want to take better care of myself. It's so awesome!

Often, people in weight-loss groups say, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." For me, this isn't true. Even though I feel fabulous and excited about my changes, food still has a pull for me. It would be very easy to go back to my old ways. Food is definitely a drug for me and, just like an alcoholic, it still has a voice inside my head. Therefore, I don't think to myself, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Instead, I weigh my options, and then try to make the best decision possible. When I start feeling the food pull in my brain, I try to analyze WHY I'm craving food at that moment and work to move on or drink some tea as a supplement if I just can't get it out of my head.

I think I have a long road of recovery ahead of me, but I'm now looking forward to the journey instead of being afraid of it like I was in the past. With the "drug" out of my system, I'm able to think more clearly. What was excruciatingly painful before, is now painful, but tolerable. I thank God that I chose to go ahead with this surgery because it gave me what I needed to break free...