Hey, all. Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been busy with work and on the road. I had my first trip this weekend - went upstate for the fair. I was nervous about how it'd all work out, but it was ok. It was hard not measuring my food, though, and I'm sure I ate too much.
At my dietitian's urging I tried a different kind of protein - egg protein. It didn't make me throw up, but it was pretty nasty. My yogurt smoothies have the same amount of calories of I don't add fruit and the same amount of protein, so I'm just going to stick with them.
This last doc appointment was pretty disappointing. I was up half a pound. She told me not to be too concerned; there were a lot a lot of factors that could have contributed - protein consumption was down, constipation, I hadn't been exercising...so...I just have to get back up on the old horse.
My biggest thought these days is about food obsession. Several people over the last week or so have told me that I am obsessed with food. Honestly, I don't want to be. It's exhausting, but I don't know how NOT to be obsessed with food! First off, I kind of have to be right now in order to ensure that I eat enough protein. But I know I've always been obsessed with food. I think about it all day long - what's my next meal going to be? Where will it come from? How much? When...on and on the thoughts and questions go. It takes a lot of time and mental energy. Before I've even touched breakfast I'm thinking about lunch. Halfway to lunchtime, I'm thinking about dinner.
I don't know how to get out of that process. I don't like it, especially now that people are pointing it out to me. It's embarrassing. How does someone who is OCD get over thinking about washing their hands all the time?
It's not just an obsession with food...it's worry. I WORRY about food...and it drains me. And it affects my relationships with others. And sometimes it makes me feel like I am going to go right out of my head!
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