I survived the holidays...how 'bout you?

Well, I did it. I made it through Christmas. It wasn't easy, but I did it. Actually, it wasn't too hard, because, for the most part, I wasn't feeling well anyway, so I really wasn't much up to eating. The hardest meal was Saturday night when we went out for pizza. Back home, we have the best pizza parlor on EARTH. Everyone was eating pizza, and I had this wimpy looking taco salad. The salad wasn't that bad, but I was just really missing the pizza. I sampled the pizza cheese and that was it. I didn't have a single cookie or taste of cake or homemade roll. I filled up on homemade chili and ham and AWESOME squash (I brought some home with me. Yuuuuuumyyyy!)

For the most part, I'm no realizing that controlling myself around food is about making decisions and not getting into debates with myself. As soon as I allow myself to debate about whether or not I should eat something, I've lost. So, now, I just tell myself no as soon as the thought hits my head. It's not always easy because there are times I really want something, but it seems to work most of the time.

I did splurge on my birthday, though. I had a couple of drinks (I was 3 sheets to the wind half way through the first one...cheap drunk!), and I ate two slices of bread. YUM! I have to REALLY watch out, though. First off, I shouldn't be eating this stuff right now. Second, it's very easy to splurge too many times in a week. I have to really keep the dietitian's advice in mind - once a week. I'm working hard. I really don't want to backslide...and it's easy to do.

The coolest part is that, while I was home, I got A LOT of compliments. Then my hubby keeps telling me how good I look. I love the way I look (although, the skin gets to me sometimes). So, with all this positive feedback, it helps me turn food down sometimes. For example, last night I was jonesing for some peanut butter. I was going to have it too. Then my husband made a comment that made me feel AWESOME...suddenly, the peanut butter wasn't so enticing anymore...although, I might go out and buy some sugar free peanut butter for the future. There is a website called bellplantation.com. They sell dehydrated peanut butter - they've sucked must of the oil out of it. When you want some, you just mix 2T with a T of water or anything else (jelly, honey...whatever). I just looked at the website, and now they have chocolate peanut butter. YAY!!! Anyway, the fat content and calorie content are really low (50 cals). They do add sugar, but not much.

Ok, I think I'm done babbling for now. Hope everyone is having a great holiday season.

Moving in low gear

Well, it's been a tough month. I only lost 4.5 pounds. Up until this point I'd been averaging about 3 pounds a week. So, it was tough to read what the scale had to say. I had a nice little cry about it in the dietitian's office and moved on. I only have 13.5 pounds until I hit -100, so I plan on working really hard the next few weeks to see if I can make it. It'll be hard though...

With all this Christmas junk around, it's very difficult to stay on track. Yesterday, I ate 3 chocolate covered cherries. They were yummy...I felt guilty but the dietitian said it's ok to have something enjoyable every now and then...once a week she said would be good. It seems I don't get dumping syndrome. :( I suppose that's nice in a way, but at the same time, I was banking on it to help keep me away from the BAD stuff. Instead, I have to depend on my head...if my head was dependable, I never would've been in this fix! Oh, well.

I'm sorry folks...

I'm sorry I don't keep up with this every day. I want to, I just don't think I have that much to say that's all that exciting.

I seem to have hit a plateau since Thanksgiving. Part of it is that I added an extra snack to my day. I cut that out. I also had started drinking a lot of tea and coffee. I'm trying to cut that back down too. Today, I forced my lazy butt to get out of bed at 6am to walk. I was going to use the treadmill due to the cold, but it seems to be broken (thankfully, it was a freebie from a friend!). Turns out, I really enjoyed my walk in the cold. The crispness was a nice contrast to the body heat I was generating. Plus, it forced me to keep my pace up to keep warm.

I have the best landlady EVER! She invited me over on Sunday and let me raid her closet. I was in desperate need of smaller clothes (I'm ALMOST in a 16 now. I can squeeze into it, but it's not QUITE comfortable), and unwilling/unable to spend money on them. So, anyway, she had me come over...now, she's much older than me, so I was worried about the clothes. Turns out, she has GREAT taste, and I've gotten a lot of compliments on my new wardrobe! It's also the largest wardrobe I've ever owned!

It feels so good to be stylish. As a fat girl, I never cared about my clothes because no matter what, I never thought I looked good. All I cared about was that I was comfortable. Now, clothes feel better, and I can see a real difference. I like the way I look...I even want to wear makeup (although, I usually forget to put it on in the morning, but I'm working on it)! As my body begins to feel better, I feel better and want to take better care of myself. It's so awesome!

Often, people in weight-loss groups say, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." For me, this isn't true. Even though I feel fabulous and excited about my changes, food still has a pull for me. It would be very easy to go back to my old ways. Food is definitely a drug for me and, just like an alcoholic, it still has a voice inside my head. Therefore, I don't think to myself, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Instead, I weigh my options, and then try to make the best decision possible. When I start feeling the food pull in my brain, I try to analyze WHY I'm craving food at that moment and work to move on or drink some tea as a supplement if I just can't get it out of my head.

I think I have a long road of recovery ahead of me, but I'm now looking forward to the journey instead of being afraid of it like I was in the past. With the "drug" out of my system, I'm able to think more clearly. What was excruciatingly painful before, is now painful, but tolerable. I thank God that I chose to go ahead with this surgery because it gave me what I needed to break free...

Calgon take me away...

Well, my stomach is still bothering me a bit. I'm drinking my water...I'm taking vitamin E (I read in a book that it can help keep things moving)...I'm *trying* to eat veggies (but, I admit, most often don't)...yet I still just can't seem to get things going out! At least I don't feel like I'm DYING like I did earlier this week. Oh, that was aweful!

Next weekend I'm traveling. I have to go upstate. It'll be my first trip away from home since surgery. I have to figure out what foods and snacks to bring with my to make sure I keep my protein up while I'm gone. The hardest part, for me, is when my routine is off. Even weekends are hard. I tend not to eat my first meal until 11 or 12 in the morning. If I'm eating every 3 hours, 4x a day, that means I'm eating til midnight on the weekends! Maybe I'll just drink protein shakes all weekend. That'll make life easy. :)

Hmmm....

Well, I'm having issues...my stomach is killing me. :( I can't seem to go to the bathroom, and there's no room for food! I am an unhappy camper!

Word to the listening: DON'T DRINK MILK OF MAGNESIA! It is the WORST tasting stuff on earth...even worse than my stepmother's cooking!

No wonder it works...it grosses the SH$% right outta ya!