Don't know what you've got till it's gone...

Well, I know my posts have become less frequent. I guess that's because there's less to complain about. I seem to be doing fairly well. I do still have nausea from time to time, and I do still reject come foods now and then, but overall, I seem to be doing well.

I'm back at the gym - doing 2 miles per day. It's the first thing I do everyday, so I make sure it happens. If I wait, chances are, I won't walk.

The only food I really miss right now is pizza. I mean I MISS it. I dream about it. I salivate over the thought of it. Just one slice of really good pizza would make me SOOOO happy. But I'm not supposed to be eating that kind of food right now. Plus, if I eat a meal low in protein then that means I have to take some kind of protein supplement, and I DON'T want to do that because, right now, my body still thinks they're all gross.

Surprisingly, I'm finding, I don't miss food really at all - except the afore mentioned pizza. Other than that, I can do without. I don't know if it's because I don't have an appetite or because I know that I can't eat most foods or what, but I just don't really miss food. The other day I was in a REALLY bad mood. I popped into a gas station for gas. When I went inside to pay, I looked around and realize nothing was calling me! Normally, when I feel that bad, I would buy a couple candy bars and a thing of pringles or combos. This time, I wanted nothing! It was an amazing realization!

What I do miss is the feeling of stuffing myself silly. I don't miss food, but when I think about food - any kind of food - I think about stuffing myself to the point of nearly exploding. It's THAT feeling that I mess - being able to just eat whatever I want, whenever I want, until I am stuffed.
So now I wonder...was it ever really the food at all? Or was it the stuffing? Would I have been just as happy stuffing myself with well salted cardboard? And if that's the case, if it's the STUFFING I was really after and not the food, then why? What don't I have enough of that I'm trying to fill myself with something else?

I guess it's a good thing I have a good therapist. Hopefully she'll be able to help me unpack that one!