As I said before, I thought it might be useful to share some of my OA thoughts. It's all rather personal, but I'm not doing this just for me. I'm hoping someone else out there might get some use out of it, so here goes...
There are 2 things that have been on my mind. One is obsession with what I'm going to eat later...through the whole meeting tonight, all I could think about was what my snack would be tonight - was I going to have the protein chips or a shake. Back and forth all evening long. It was driving me CRAZY because it really wasn't all that important. However, this happens to me a lot. I hate obsessing about food. In the end, I chose the chips simply because I need the shakes for work and cannot afford to buy more this month. It really sucks being broke...often times I cannot afford the things I need to make this journey work...
The other thing that's been on my mind is perfection. It actually came up in a story that was read this evening. The person who wrote the story said he doesn't worry about perfection because he cannot be perfect. However...I worry about it. If I slip up one day and chose to have a slice of cake or try a few french fries, have I completely thrown my abstinence out the window? Do I start all over again from square one? Or am I ok because I did abstain from compulsive over-eating? This is a tough one for me. Both my therapist and dietitian keep telling me I have to learn to live with food. I don't particularly want to give up any foods forever, but if I don't...It seems like a vicious circle to me.
Workbook page two: What other solutions( to overeating) have I tried, and what were the results? Am I still looking for solutions outside of oa?
I am no longer looking for solutions outside of OA, but I am using solutions...or at least tools...outside of OA. These tools would be my surgery and my therapist. They have been very helpful. The surgery helps me to maintain portion control. It also helps me to stay away from my trigger foods because I have to focus on eating protein in order to stay healthy. My therapist helps me to continue working on the emotional issues that contribute to my compulsive overeating.
Other solutions I've tried in the past are dieting, puring, starving, diet pills, exercise, diet clubs, and mail order diets. There probably were other things too...like shaming myself. None of them worked. Weight Watchers was the closest thing that ever came to working...in that I lost weight, but my head never changed and, eventually, the weight came back.
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