I can see clearer now...

wb page 25 # 9

What can I do when I feel unstable?

Um...pray?  Seriously though, I feel unstable a lot.  Today, I baked two giant cakes for a party my husband's having at work tomorrow.  I know, a lot of people would say, "why do you do that to yourself??"  I do it because I believe I need to learn to live with food.  Just because  I can't eat the cake, doesn't mean I can't be around it or even make it for others.  Anyway, the smell was/is maddening!  I want to dive in head first.  Here are the steps I've taken to clear my head:

First, I took deep breaths.  Then I brought to mind how much I love my new body and why - like the fun of wearing heals, and the comment a student made today about how graceful I've become.  Finally, I reminded myself that there is no real satisfaction that'll come from eating the cake.  It might relieve the tension I have about food for a second or two, but as soon as it's over, I'll feel worse than I did before I started.

Now, I'm sitting alone in the house with two giant cakes that have yet to be frosted.  I am fine, relaxed and stable.  The smell is still divine, but instead of agonizing over it, I'm just enjoying it (cake smells better than it tastes anyway).  When the time comes to frost, I'll be tempted by that too, and I'll remind myself that, if I eat the frosting, I won't have room for dinner.

I often pray as I'm taking my deep breaths.  Not necessarily with words, but just sort of reaching out with my mind for help.  I find that helps me relax as well.  I'm learning that, for me, finding stability is about relaxing.  When food starts clamoring in my head, I tense up and become fogged, unable to make a good decision.  Hence the deep breathing and mental prayer help to clear me up and bring me down.