I've got the joy!

This really has been an interesting journey.  I remember back in December I was really craving food.  I don’t know if it was the holidays or just par for the course.  It was very upsetting for me.  I really wanted food – I wanted to be like everyone else and able to eat whatever.  However, I’m not like everyone else – or what I PERCEIVE as “everyone else.”  I am me, and I have problems with food.

Now it’s March.  I weighed in today at the doctor’s office and I am finally below 200 pounds – I was 198!!  I don’t know when I last weighed under 200…sometime in my young teens I imagine.  For me, this is cause for celebration.  Of course, my first thought is to go out for dinner, but I don’t think that’s an appropriate way to celebrate this.  I think I should buy myself a nice new outfit.  Or celebrate by just being with friends and family.  Or perhaps start setting aside a few dollars with each pound I lose between now and my goal, so I can buy myself something stunning when I finally reach my goal.  Or maybe get a charm bracelet and start filling it with things that symbolize my journey, so when I do feel down or temped, I have something on me always to remind me where I’ve come from and why it’s important to continue the fight.

Lately, I haven’t been tempted by much.  Let me rephrase that, there are temptations, but it’s not as much of a struggle as it was in the past.  Partly, I’m too busy.  Between work, the gym, and karate, I don’t have time for food – other than my scheduled meals (sometimes I barely have time for those!).  Therefore, when temptation strikes, it’s not really realistic to even attempt to give in.  Also, I love the way I FEEL these days – light, beautiful, healthy, happy…I wear heals all the time, and it’s so much fun!  I can cross my legs when I’m sitting.  I can keep up durning karate class.  I can walk up a couple flights of stairs.  Life is a whole new adventure trying to discover and savor the things I can do now that were a struggle less than a year ago.

In terms of my abstinence…I’ve lost count.  At my last OA meeting, I received my 60 day chip.  I’m probably around 90 or beyond at this point!  To me, this is absolutely amazing…Having this surgery is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.  It allowed me – forced me – to give up the foods I was addicted to and change my focus.  I know the struggle will always be there.  For example, without realizing it, carbs have infiltrated my life.  I’ve been eating a little fruit.  I added Fiber 1 to my breakfast for health reasons.  My protein chips have carbs in them and so do my vitamins.  I’m supposed to be eating no more than 30 carbs per day, but I think I am eating about twice that right now because I wasn’t tracking how my dietary changes introduced carbs.  Now, I am aware, and I’m making the necessary changes to bring my carbs back down.

I am actually beginning to become thankful for my addiction.  I know that my sound strange, but I think it’s a better addiction than drugs or alcohol.  I just wouldn’t be able to handle that.  Plus, now that I’m on the road to recovery, I’m learning so much about myself!  I’m finally able to work through and shed so many things from my past.  Also, my use of food helped me survive the trials of my life.  This no longer works for me, now I’m finding better things, but my life may not have been survivable without food before.  Now, when I’m stressed, I go to the gym.  I’m happier than I’ve ever been – even with all the difficulties I’m dealing with right now.  I appreciate life like I never have before.

Thanks, be to God for bringing me through!